What fear does
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” – Mark Twain
When we are fearful, a lot of things happen. Our decision models change. And so does the way in which we dream. Our curiosity about the unknown becomes manifest in this emotion called fear that leads us to stasis. Fear is the ultimate mind-killer. It is what brings about the little deaths that eventually defeat life itself. As Frank Herbert says, where fear has done, there is nothing.
We do not eliminate fear. We face it. We control it. We overcome it. But it stays like darkness stays where it is when invaded by light, lurking behind shadows. Because fear is a natural response designed to keep us safe, even if there is a big delta between real threats and perceived dangers in the modern world we live in today.
When we learn to recognize fear, it’s the first step towards mastering it. Most religions teach this – the fear of suffering, of loss, of failure is worse than the suffering/loss/failure itself. It is so because when we are fearful, we have, somehow, turned our mind – a prediction machine, into over-indexing on the negative and the dismal, and in the process have turned even reality to serve its ill-fated agenda.
Plato says “We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” His intent here is to highlight the plight of those adults who ‘choose’ to stay in the dark because they fear the light. They are content with receding to the shadows because they have convinced themselves that the world is against them, and that living in the dark is the right thing to do.
Fear is how religions got invented – through a simple contrafactual, if there is indeed a supreme being who is all knowing and all powerful, we need not fear the unknown and instead let our trust and belief in HIS powers drive our actions and our perceptions. Religion opted in this shape, this framework, this form to act as a bulwark against the forces of fear.
What fear does is induce sclerosis in the entity. Fear of action for an individual, fear of innovation for an organization, fear of foreign element for a species, etc. are all manifestations of fear that drive stasis, resulting in a sclerotic existence that does nothing other than survive. To lead a rich, full life, fear needs to be overcome.
Fearing the future is an activity that most of us indulge in. The future that does not exist and will never exist. And yet, we spend our times analyzing and dissecting the various permutations of happenstance that can occur in this supposedly real future.
We create tools and algorithms and methods to tame the fear of the future – mostly for monetary purposes. Famously, futures contracts and options, are meant to ‘hedge’ the downsides that may arrive in our future. These tools are not folly though for they indicate that we have identified the fear, and are attempting to control it, not hide away from it.
Fear becomes a demon when it leads us to inaction. It becomes a constraint when it leads us to action. A constraint that is a valuable input to creativity and progress. Fear as constraint leads to breakthroughs in ideas and hence fear needs to be present alongside happiness, and courage, and presence. It’s the yin to the yang of the other positive emotions.
“Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.” – Salvador Dali
We fear perfection. Or the lack of it. But what’s at stake isn’t as much perfection as ego masquerading as one. Fear in this case is that of being exposed, as someone we presumably are not, when in fact this is what we are. When we embrace that, we let go of this fear, this incessant chatter inside our heads.
We know children fear things we normally aren’t fearful of when we become adults. But they also don’t fear many things that we become fearful of. Maintaining an appearance, a semblance of etiquette, a brand in front of others – these instill fear in adults, owing to their mimetic nature. But children haven’t learnt to cater to mimetic desires, not the most fundamental ones at least. So, we need to unlearn fear in many cases which standardized learning, education, and society have injected into our being.
Our interactions with our children need to account for fear too. Bribes or ultimatums in effect instill fear. They push our kiddos to learn the mores of society and how fear works its way into our psyche. They don’t need that. Calm parenting is hard, but it’s what can help our kids understand fear on their own terms. Stoics advise letting go of fears that we have no means to control. In doing so, we free up our resources to focus on those that we can control. Our kids are still learning emotional control, and there are vast unknowns they are navigating as they grow up. It’s easy for them to become fearful when those they look up to are embracing it too. And nothing screams fear as much as anger, hesitation, or restlessness in front of challenges. When we are calm towards their explorations and experimentations in this world, we are leading by example.
Acknowledging fear takes away a large part of it as called out earlier. Instead of dismissing or belittling these fears, with our children or with anyone, we should learn to create a safe and open environment where everyone feels comfortable expressing their fears and concerns.
But when fear becomes all pervasive, or seeps into everything we do, then we must face our fears through controlled exposure, instead of receding into a coping cocoon. When this happens with our kids or with our loved ones, we must help them build anew the inherent belief in our strengths and resilience to overcome fear.
Jargogled Impressions. 