Author Note: Starting a new series on Parenting #EverydayDad (and hoping this one sticks). So many learnings along the way of parenting, and so many hiccups and challenges too. What I have found is, that writing about them helps me, and I am hoping plausibly can help new hapless parents out there too.
When we become parents, we know we are in for the long haul. The conventional wisdom parroted out everywhere you look is, that it’s going to be a slog. Harried parents, default scrambling, endless nights, growth spurts, regression, transition, training, education, nutrition, discipline, etc. etc.
As our kids grow, we need to adjust and we know that too. But too often, in the heat of things, we forget this. We feel like something is wrong with them – why does she not listen to me, what is wrong with some water, how can someone cry without reason, why is it so hard to get them to sleep, is she not as fond of us as we are of her, why is she not obedient like all those other kids, why is she not more adventurous, why does she not like to play with herself. Is our time our time no more?
We know at this age, they don’t know any better, heck, what is better in the first place? And we know they are not scarred or anything. And yet, we fret and we blame them for things that are very likely outside of their control. Yes, we should model the right behavior, but it’s not a panacea. Their brain is a huge reservoir of compute and they learn quickly, even the fact that you don’t have time and you look and act harried.
What they are asking for, is not more crackers, or more toys, or more swing time, or more of that muffin. What they are actually asking for, is more time from you. That’s all they have been asking for since the beginning of it all. Making sure your drop-off to daycare is a joy, when you are reading to them you are actually reading, when you spend time with them your mind is not on that work email or that article you want to read, when you are helping them eat you are not rushing through, when you are singing to them it’s not just to put them to sleep, when you are playing the same game for the umpteenth time its okay, when you are describing those figures in the book you are describing them all in your flourishing creativity.
What I have found helps, is letting go of the illusion of control, of embracing the Garbage Time, of losing the aura of multi-tasking, of shedding the stifling embrace of relentless productivity.
Jargogled Impressions. 