Hi Amara –
This is a long overdue letter since you have now left behind your 4-month-old liminality and embraced the 6mo paradigm quite effusively. But the transience of this known yet surprising growth curve makes me want to record the months – even if delayed – so we can look back into these months and relive the moments that made them magical. And so, through this letter, let me take you back 2 months, and point to you the very many things that led to what you are today.
First off, you get a new name every month and its partly through observation of the adorable things you are doing that month and partly the gibberish that gets volleyed around in your presence given language isn’t something you have picked up yet. So, at month four, you were ‘adventurous yogi’ – as the bridge poses, butterfly poses, and of course child’s pose were things that you just did without really learning how to. Looking at you makes me wonder sometimes of things in our life that just come naturally and if/whether we should try to nurture and adopt these incorruptibly natural appendages. Yoga, mindful nothingness, roving curiosity, delectably positive amazement at the world around us. These come natural to a baby, as if evolution had pre-ordained these as necessary and vital essence of life. As we move towards adulthood, we leave these behind – some for good reasons as the undeniable busyness of life would compound without the mnemonics, others we just let go because we never deemed it fit for the office of adulting.
You came into your elements this month with a distinctively Amara laughter that is quite likely the most relaxing sound in the world for me. That, and the croaky noises that you picked up and then subsequently dropped off within a month, had turned the household focus into a singular mission of eliciting that provoked laughter. What leads to it is mostly a black box so invariably the mission becomes a series of experiments and iterative refinement. I wonder how things would change if only I could know more about what goes in that tiny, nascent mind of yours. I wonder also, if we are too primitive a species to understand baby talk and it’s only a matter of time when we would do so. It’s unclear though, and increasingly so, whether I would actually want to know what goes on in your mind as it would take away the wonderment for me. As so happens with the relentless push towards productivity – our sense of anticipation and adventure suffers – I now know that some things are better left unopened. There’s joy in accepting and trusting the uncertainties in life, so thank you, for reinforcing that learning in me. Laugh away unbeknownst, for therein lies the hidden secret of life.
Your doc asked us in one of our visits – “Do you see a personality emerging in Amara?”, and I left the clinic wondering what that meant. I guess ‘personality’ is that intensely individualistic bundle of traits and behaviors that frame our identity in the society we inhabit. It’s those external facing markers that offer a peek into the infinitely vast and undecipherable galaxy inside of us. This personality is what gets dissected across nature and nurture, is what captures the attention of the ‘education system’, is what gets packaged across dimensions into our CV, our Facebook profiles, our TikTok reels, our tweets, and our correspondences with the world at large. This personality is the domain of the religions of the world, gets attention as we seek companionship, is what drives our existential angst forward. To wit, our personality is like a river – constantly moving, like water – shape shifting, like clouds – with no boundaries.
“A person’s authentic nature is a series of shifting, variegated planes that establish themselves as he relates to different people; it is created by and appears within the framework of his interpersonal relationships.” – Philip K. Dick
All in all, it becomes such a loaded question that I find myself overwhelmed as I look at you and try to discover your ‘personality’. Whatever I understand, it will be limited to my take on what it is, versus the truth. As William James said, “A man(sic) has as many social selves as there are individuals who recognize him”. And I need to remember that because judgement fast follows definition and I think we must reserve judgement for all the insanities it renders.
Know this Amara – your personality is a tool and not the core of who you are. It’s a construct designed to make interactions with fellow living things easier. It’s the UX to the OS and not the OS itself. But this merits a longer discussion, one I am not fully conversant on making at this point of time. I am hoping though, that as you grow into a wonderful, kind, and amazing human being – you’d teach me.
And I am looking forward to it.
Love,
Dad.
Jargogled Impressions. 