Jargogled Impressions.

Dear Amara –

So your mum told me you did chuckle already while I wasn’t looking, but since it does not count since I was not there, I would count the one chuckle you gave me today as the first one. And boy, what chuckle that was. You have been smiling since awhile now, but when you included sound in that smile, broadened it via what looked like a laugh, and then gave me those smiling eyes – it just really was lit, legit lit (that was me trying to be millennial).

As I see you growing, it really makes me realize the one tip my colleague at work told me once – that some of these moments will not come back because you will outgrow them, and that I should capture these moments as much as I can, for these ephemeral cute antic of yours will be replaced by other cute ones. I have been trying to snap up your moments in videos and pictures (and maybe going a bit overboard with them, you will know), and will continue to do so. Am also, to be honest, looking forward to re-visiting these when you are older so we can browse through them together and I can help you understand a little bit more about you as a kid. I guess part of the reason this blog exists is to do the same – but these blogs capture more of my thoughts and emotions as I am going through them. Sort of like disk storage for my memories that I will rely on to revisit the times of today.

You know Amaroo, that you have brought out a new side, before unknown, for both your parents. We were told that parenthood changes people, but never thought how much, for we had not gone through it ourselves. Pro Tip: when something seems like a cliché’ and a universal wisdom, it most likely is for a reason. Much the same with parenthood. We have learnt to be self-diminishing, to steer ourselves away from the self-centeredness that existed before you came along. You have taught us this, but just being you. And you are just starting.

Your future looks to me like one filled with so many possibilities. It’s an as-yet unwritten book that holds within it vistas of opportunities, of moments of love, affection, joy, sadness, laughter, tears, anger, and kindness. There are many mountains you will have to climb, many successive successes to aim for, many failures and disappointments in the way, and many people you will meet. You will find life is long when it comes to filling it with stories and memories, but it is awfully short when our ambitions soar the clouds.

Regardless, our lives are not measured by its length as much as it is measured by the regrets we hold ourselves accountable to. And these regrets often, are not towards things that we default to as we lead our lives – being successful, rich, or famous. It is usually towards the bigger questions in life – like “failures of kindness”, as George Saunders says in Congratulations, by the way: Some thoughts on kindness. Our most memorable and happy moments in life are usually the ones when the world is kind to us and we are kind to others. And often, its those moments when we forget to be kind, when we let the pressures of the modern world tuck away the kindness that is natural to all human beings, that we come to regret in our lives. Above all, my hope for you then, is to be the gentle, kind soul that I always wanted to be, and always have striven for.

There are two kinds of people in this world kiddo – those that are kind to people around them, and those that are not. We, as fragile and irrational human beings, aren’t tied to any one of them, and end up manifesting our thoughts and behaviors in either of the two buckets. The more we are conscious of who we are, and the more we can take control of our stock and our situation, the kinder we get.

Kindness is, in fact, a way of being. It’s a behavior we deploy when dealing with situations, when talking to people, when responding to stresses, and when leading our day to day life. It heralds what I like to call as a gentle way of living in which we adopt a loving, affectionate way of looking at the world around us, regardless of how we are treated by others. It brings a unique, self-driven, agency to how we conduct ourselves and approach the meaning of life.

Seeing you chuckle today – in the sweetest, cutest, and the intensely innocent way that you did, reminded me of the role kindness plays in keeping this innocence alive in the people we interact with. When you are kind, you unlock this innocence in people – which is pure magic, the way you wielded this magic today knowing, that these two souls you see constantly – your mum and dad – are the ones that love you unconditionally and devotedly, and can do anything to see you smile.

Know this sweetheart, always.

Love

Dad