Jargogled Impressions.

Our duty as parents is to ensure our learnings from life are manifested in the upbringing we give to our children. There is no sense in repeating with them, those views and actions that we consider as mistakes in our own lives. But not all mistakes are created equal for there are some that you learn only from your own experiences and no amount of parental nudges and diktats can change that. Others, you are in the dark too of what these mistakes actually were even though you sense there was something amiss.

For the vast majority though, we should think hard about what our mistakes have been and how we are going to translate those as learnings for our kids. Another thing, how we approach talking about these mistakes with them matters too. Mistakes are primarily lapses in judgement and nothing more. All of our actions are driven by the decisions we take, how we judge situations and react to them.

It’s important to emphasize this – outcomes from our actions do not correlate with these mistakes. Outcomes are a side track from the decisions we took. They are, for most cases, not controlled by us and as such our agency is far less than what we assume. If we don’t realize this, neither will our kids.

Tell them, it’s okay if things did not go according to their wishes. That happens and will continue to happen. Tell them it’s okay if outcomes were different from what they envisioned. Tell them it’s not okay though, to forget our decisions and why we took them. Tell them it’s worthwhile to constantly try and shine a light on our blind spots, our assumptions, and our biases that may have led to those lapses in judgement.

And you know the best way to do this? It is to open up to them and share candid details about your life with them. Our kids approach this world through the model we present to them – their parents, who know how the world works (at least what they believe is true till they are teenagers). When they are young, parents can often assume this to mean they are the alpha in this relationship. Which means they always need to project strength and power to their children.

Instead, when we open up with them and share with them where we were wrong, that opens up possibilities for further exploration with them, alongside them. And also tells them that it’s okay to be wrong sometimes, so long as we recognize that and learn from it. That tells them its okay to make mistakes than not to try at all.