Jargogled Impressions.

It’s natural to feel overwhelmed when anticipating a big change. The big change isn’t necessarily a discreet or an objective event. How one person defines ‘big’ can be very different from how another person looks at the same event in question. The attribute ‘big’ is a metaphor as it connotates something disproportionate in size. Disproportionate by whose definition? That’s where the subjectivity comes in. Put simply, every situation is unique. Even the seemingly same life event is predicated on a million little things that preceded it. A million parallel universes that had to exist as a precedence.

We consider something big also by what has preceded it, and what our experiences have taught us. For someone who has gone through a car accident for instance, will naturally consider purchasing a vehicle as ‘big’, especially if the incident had a significant effect on her psyche. For someone who has burnt his fingers in relationships, even a coffee date can seem perplexing and burdened with too much weight – as the hundreds of rom-com comedies exhibit on a regular basis.

When listening to someone who is overwhelmed then, does not mean understanding them for try as you might, you will not be able to. It really means listening to them, and acknowledging the million little things that are and will always stay hidden from you. It means being conscious of this, and manifesting this in the manner with which we listen and empathize with the person.

Empathy is tricky. It’s much simpler in theory than in practice, as with many things that concern human emotions. The elephant in the brain isn’t naturally geared towards the ‘theory of the mind’ and as such, a small misstep can really derail attempts at reconciliation. What is to be done?

Start with what it means to reconcile. If your intent is to support the other in whichever way is required, then know that supporting does not always translate to action. There’s a reason why there’s a ‘being’ in the human. Just being there and listening is sufficient often. You don’t need to transform something, turnover the mood, or beat up someone. Sometimes all that the person needs are for someone to lean in to, someone who can lend an ear without judging and without interpreting anything.

Many times, though, there is an expectation to do something, to discuss, to pontificate, to act. In these cases, its best to ask and to confirm before proceeding. And understand that emotions are magical things, and they are black boxes too. So, the ask can very well go haywire, and end up causing further inflammation. But that’s okay and a reasonable risk to undertake.

Taking risks in a relationship has many dimensions. Some are morally okay, others not so. Some presume not much, others a lot so. But risks, or active experimentation, are required if your intent is to really, yes, really know someone much more than the superficial aspects. In a family, there naturally arises discrete moments of natural experimentation, and the experience of dealing with it is what brings the family together. Nothing binds like tragedy, and nothing retains in the mind more than moments of untampered and non-directed joy.

There are folks who are naturally disposed to share more with others. These are those who share aspects of their personal lives, which many would consider too private and confidential.  This naturally brings up the question of authenticity. As someone on the receiving end of this sharing, what makes you believe in the authenticity of the person? It brings up an age-old question of what in fact, is, authenticity?

However, you need not overthink this.

For one, you could default into assuming authenticity without first investigating whether it exists or not. Why assume anything else? What good does it serve you?

I find myself wondering about what authenticity means for social media influencers. I see many folks I know personally now attempting to ‘influence’ their followers and it surprises me how easy it is to determine whether the influencer is ‘authentic’. Especially for those sharing details of their personal lives and their struggles/learnings along the way, it’s a fairly slippery slope to losing trust when one if not authentic enough.

Authenticity is a complex concept that can vary based on cultural norms and personal values. Some people may value transparency and openness, while others may prioritize privacy and discretion. It’s important to recognize and respect these differences, as they can impact on how individuals perceive and respond to situations.

When it comes to big changes, it’s also worth acknowledging that some people may handle them better than others. For example, someone who has experienced trauma or has a history of anxiety may struggle more with significant life transitions than someone who is more resilient. It’s essential to approach each person’s experience with empathy and understanding, rather than judging or minimizing their feelings.

One way to demonstrate empathy is to validate the person’s emotions and perspective. This can involve active listening, reflecting back what you’ve heard, and acknowledging that their feelings are real and understandable. It’s also essential to refrain from giving unsolicited advice or trying to “fix” their problems. Instead, focus on providing emotional support and offering resources or options if they express a desire for assistance.

In some cases, it may be helpful to seek outside support from a therapist, counselor, or other mental health professional. These individuals are trained to provide guidance and support during times of change and can offer valuable insights and tools for coping. However, it’s important to remember that seeking professional help is a personal decision, and not everyone may feel comfortable or ready to do so.

Ultimately, navigating big changes in life requires a willingness to be flexible and adaptable. It’s impossible to predict or control everything, and sometimes we need to let go of our expectations and embrace uncertainty. This can be challenging, especially for those who prefer structure and predictability, but it can also lead to personal growth and new opportunities.

It’s also worth remembering that change can be positive, even if it feels overwhelming at first. Sometimes, big changes are necessary to move us out of our comfort zones and into new experiences and perspectives. By approaching change with an open mind and a willingness to learn and grow, we can transform challenging transitions into opportunities for personal evolution and self-discovery.

In conclusion, big changes in life can be overwhelming and challenging, but they can also be opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Empathy, validation, and emotional support are essential in navigating these transitions, as is a willingness to be flexible and adaptable. Seeking professional help is also an option for those who need additional support. Ultimately, approaching change with an open mind and a willingness to learn and grow can help us transform challenging transitions into positive experiences.