Jargogled Impressions.

We need idols and heroes to survive, and thrive. Our idols serve us through their actions and their thoughts, sometimes triumphing our intuitions as well. When idol worship runs untampered though, we invariably are led astray regardless of who we are idolizing. They say “never meet your heroes”. In today’s age, we must extend this to “never follow your heroes” on social media. For when you look deep enough, at close quarters, even your most inspiring idols are playing a game. And some of these games are just not your game to play.

We need idols to play the game of life

We cherish idols because we see in them something inspiring and worthy of our adulation, follow, and mindshare. Sometimes we cherish them for the life they lead, sometimes we do so for their ideas and their creations, sometimes it is about their skills and their ability to defy the limits of human potential. Idols are models that also serve as guideposts for how we approach the challenges of life. Their stories are secular versions of mythical narratives in religious scriptures. We try and abstract their challenges and their problems in the ether space to our humble ground space, and derive lessons and guidance on how to deal with our own set of micro-challenges.

Will Storr says in his book ‘the status game’ that we maintain a sort of “thunderous ambivalence” with our idols – we worship them because they symbolize something worthy of status – something we can emulate; but at the same time we are also fiercely playing the old status game of copying their behaviors in order to compete with these idols. Of course, in the modern context and with the scale of these status games we are so far removed from these idols that we don’t consider this hidden behavior as ‘competition’ but they lurk inside somewhere. And which is likely the reason why, when idols disappoint as they invariably do, we can quickly dissociate ourselves from them as if cleaving a weak tie.

We choose our idols, or we think we do

Further, our process of selecting idols can fall prey to mimetic drivers. We are influenced in our selection of role models by what others around us are thinking, even though we may not realize it. For instance, in an age where technology seems like magic sometimes in what they can do towards improving our lives, we tend to allocate our mindshare to technology leaders and entrepreneurs bringing that next shiny gadget, next digital app, or the next software-led service. During periods of political or social turmoil, we tend to gravitate towards those that can inspire us to unite. On other times, we tend to associate our pride and identity to sportsmen. Who we idealize becomes a matter of where we are in our life, what’s happening in “the current thing”, who we are surrounded with, and what the foremost media properties are touting to be the “next big thing”.

Our relationship with idols change over time

When we begin, we look at our idols in the constrained space of their area of operation. Or put differently, we exalt the presidency and not the president. Because in that man-made construct of title or degree, we see a vindication of something uniquely skillful.

But a number of interesting things happen as our relationship with our idols age and mature.

One, our idols change. As they grow further – in status, in business, in dominance, in stature, so does their ego, and motivation to find a bigger loud speaker to voice their opinions. Parts of it is driven by what we demand of our idols and in their effort to maintain their status, these idols often capitulate to proffering opinions on everything under the sun.

Second, we end up expecting too much from our idols. We expect a business leader to be a warm and lovable human being when in fact we chose them as idols for their commercial success. We expect political leaders to inspire activism and grassroots mobilization, but we also come to expect of them intellectual honesty. We expect sportsmen to act with integrity and poise, while also being ruthless and ultra-competitive when they play a match. Why put the burden of all into a single idol when we can have many?

Third, we often deify our idols – removing them from the laws and rules of the mortal world. When we do so, we are indirectly casting these idols and their actions into a transcendent world where their actions have different repercussions than our own. And we do so because inside our minds, we accord them the status to escape the laws of the normative world. Their success or contributions have transpired to provide them with an armor that protects (to an extent) their eccentricities and iconoclastic opinions.

When our idols disappoint

When our idols disappoint, its effects can range from being indifferent to devastating. The more vested we are in our idols, the more the intensity of our disbelief when they disappoint. the evolution of religion over the thousands of years tells us about how our relationship with idols can change and morph over time. They can also caution us of how we create and engage with our heroes/idols for wars have been fought over religion.

Sometimes, our idols can disappoint through actions disconnected from how they came to be our idols. An author being a jerk in real life, a businessman treating her subordinates as dispensable resources, a sportsperson in constant disarray, or a rap star with questionable political views. These are all instances of our heroes disappointing us outside of their core area of expertise.

Rationally, these should do nothing to cauterize our relationship with our idols for the author can continue to produce brilliant literature, the business man can expand the value of their enterprise, the sportsperson can continue to be MVP for multiple seasons. But we connect with our idols more comprehensively than we realize. And that’s a recipe for disappointment.

And so, they often do.

It’s important to remind ourselves in these situations, about why we chose them as idols in the first place and if the disappointment can be avoided by avoiding the proximity. If that means blocking them on social media, or refusing to fall prey to cine gossip, then so be it. Remember that in this one-way relationship, you hold the controls to what you want to get out of it. As long as you are clear, you can maintain a constructive interaction with your idols without drowning yourself into understand them as a human being.